BIG Steps!!

I know, I haven't posted in forever! March and April were crazy months, from having multiple out-of-town visitors, to going out of town, to getting new floors in our entire home, yaddy yaddy yadda I haven't sat down to write.

BUT I have BIG news!!! I'm mobile!!!! As in, I bought a car, and I actually drive it around like a normal person!!! This isn't big news for most but for someone who craves and aches for independence, this is pretty huge.

Years ago when I was practicing driving with my friend Cassandra (in an empty parking lot) I refused to use my left foot for the gas and break. As she can attest to, things got a little scary a couple of times.  I either couldn't feel the break, or I would get my foot stuck under the gas without realizing it. Again, we were in an EMPTY parking lot and there were times when we were both breathing pretty hard, hearts racing. Years later, I still have the same problems. My problems are definitely not as consistent, but I'm not going to risk it. So my freedom out-weighed using my right foot for the pedals of my car. So yes, I manage the pedals with my left foot and steer with my left arm (occasionally I let "Righty" help)

I don't know how to express the wonderfulness of being normal. Just being able to drive myself to do everyday errands is pretty significant. It's hard to express how amazing it is to not have to always rely on a ride; and let me say, Memphis is not a pedestrian city, so yup, I pretty much had to get a ride ALMOST everywhere.

I know, big news in my world is hardly big news in any other person's world, but for me this is pretty off the charts. So look out Memphis! I'm on the road!!

I've always had Jeeps. This is #3, a Jeep Patriot! Jeep for liiiife!!

It's just so dang cute!!

Something To Write About

After surgery, I had to move to Michigan to live with my parents, leaving behind my boyfriend (now husband), some of my best friends, work, and a city I loved. I never expected recovery to be what it is. I thought that I would be back to my normal life in New York City in a matter of months (and I thought I was being generous). No one tells you that recovering from an intense brain surgery would be 100% life changing. 

I did a lot of things to try and speed up my recovery, especially once I got to Michigan. I had acupuncture 3 days a week,  pilates, physical and occupational therapy, swimming, and other cardio machines on my own. After a while, as I have said before, my dad started taking me to the University where he worked to do all sorts of exercises in their indoor facility. When I think about what we did, it was pretty impressive! I wish I could do that now! Besides working with my dad, I heard a lot of no's, or people's opinions of what my life would be like. I didn't care what people had to say, and craved someone (other than my parents) to give me hope and encouragement. 

When I started working out with Mike Barwis and his staff (namely my friend Cassandra), they changed and helped me physically to the point of performing miracles (which is what anyone can see when they look at Brock Mealer), doing things that no one seems to understand. Not only that, they gave me hope. To this day, I owe them everything, and am eternally grateful. 

I went from THIS...

To THIS!! My dad and I on my wedding day (Father-Daughter Dance)

A couple of months ago there was a nice article about my situation written. My recovery is definitely attributed to my parents, the rest of my family, my husband, and Mike Barwis and his staff.

Please read the article here:

 http://espn.go.com/colleges/michigan/football/story/_/id/8793581/michigan-wolverines-craig-roh-played-role-lindsay-robinson-recovery 

Long Time Gone

Holy Absence! I have NOT been writing at ALL! I apologize!! I started out feeling too busy to write around the holidays, then it was that I was too tired from the holidays, then it was honestly just me being lazy combined with the fact that I don't always want to write about something that seems negative. BUT I have strapped on my Big Girl Pants, feeling a little more ready to take on the world, thus making something of myself.

Because I haven't written in a long time, I feel like I have a little bit of catch up to do. I will start with the holidays. As we all crave spring, reflecting on the Holiday Season isn't really ideal, but it was a mild accomplishment for me that I feel like addressing.

The holidays were  a success for 2 reasons: 1. dealing with the holidays with this whole brain injury thing (only feeling one side of my body, struggles with walking, and major problems with balance) and I was still able to do entertain, travel, remain "on" for longer than one would think humanly possible, basically appear pretty normal throughout a trying time! and 2. Hosting and participating in my first holiday season as a married lady! The combination of those 2 things was a big feat, but I chose to succeed.

On Thanksgiving we, pretty unexpectedly, had 14 people over for dinner. We had VERY little furniture, and rushed to get more food (which wasn't even a slight problem). My awesome husband brought home 4 or 5 folding tables to set up for dinner and buffets, table cloths, a ton of chairs, and 2 industrial size trash cans. That one's such a planner! (side note: I was placing all the food on a folding table for dinner and the table collapsed. Yes, I lost it BUT by some miracle, every dish landed upright, only spilling the vase of flowers that were on the table. As my husband said, "We must be livin' right.")

Thanksgiving. I was the hostess with the mostest.

Thanksgiving appetizers and finger foods. Please note the cowboy hat  chips and salsa bowl.

Thanksgiving dinner; waaaay too much food.

I will say, that I was pretty proud of myself after Thanksgiving. As anyone can see, I cooked, KIND of decorated (barely), hosted, even survived a collapsed table! I had a lot of help, mainly my husband's uncle, who helped me with every little thing, and my friend Jaimi, who made some key dishes, and provided some serving-ware, and leant a lot of moral a support.

Christmas was much easier and just fun. We got our first Christmas tree, I took a little trip to my mothership (NYC) with my sister and one of my best friends, and went to both Odessa TX (husband's home town) and Los Angeles (my home town)

Husband re-doing my work putting the lights on our tree

My sister and I in NYC

2 pics from Christmas in Odessa, TX

Fake It Till Ya Make It...in pictures

Aaah I'm back!  I haven't written in oh-so-long for many reasons, and it's really too bad because I have a lot to write about! One thing at a time, but bottom line is that I am back, and at least for now, feeling rejuvenated!

So one of my "things" is that I am a tad self-conscious of how I look to the outside world. I once felt like I looked (somewhat) graceful, athletic, and strong. Now when I think of myself those adjectives don't even come to mind. I have become an imbalanced, un-athletic, jagged mover. To a small extent, I have come to terms with this, though I will never accept it as permanent. Having this in mind, I get it; this is how I walk and move right now; people see it, some stare yaddy yaddy yadda, but I will be damned if there are photos of me that look like there is anything wrong with me.

It has taken me a while to get this way (what with the whole having both sides of my face look symmetric and all) but for the most part I have achieved it.

I look this picture of myself in the hospital to show my sister my short hair, Clearly not symmetrical, and seriously concentrating. 

In the hospital, no eye- patch, not symmetrical!

Still in hospital, trying hard to look normal but not quite achieving.

Not to let everyone in on a secret, but if you notice, in most pictures I am using only the left side of my body. Only I seem to notice when I look 'funny.' The only thing I still worry about are my eyes, as sometimes they cross when I focus on a single small spot such as a camera. But like anyone taking a good picture, I know my angles!

Perfect example of only utilizing my left side as I stand on my left leg

My god-mother and I at The Walk for Thought in San Diego to raise money for brain injuries. It is very obvious that my right hand/arm is a little 'off' here.  

I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is not an important thing to worry about. But appearing normal is a huge part of feeling normal, which is the name of the game. I am constantly striving for life beyond what is normal for me, as I don't really have any other choice, but as far as pictures go, normalcy is just fine with me.

Bikram Will Kick You're Buttkram

As we all know, I am very diligent about working out, trying to work my body back into a state of normalcy.  I am used to working hard using weights, my own cardio routine, spin classes and some serious workouts from both the Michigan football strength team, and an assistant strength coach from the University of Memphis football program. In the past, throughout my recovery, I had done some yoga, but I was recently introduced to Bikram Yoga. Biktam is a different ball game.

I have only done it twice now, and thank you to my new sister-in-law, I was able to get some private lessons. These little private tutorials were actually really great because we were able to go slow and make plenty of adjustments, which are obviously necessary to a girl with a "limited" right side, total numbness, and a sever lack of balance.

Before I went, I heard plenty of stories about how hot it is, sometimes claustrophobic, incredibly hard and draining it can be, especially after the first time. Now, I can't really say any of this because I haven't been in an actual class yet. I will say, I sweat like a large man during it. Like, ring out my clothes afterwards, dripping in my eyes sweat, which actually makes things harder for me, as if it isn't hard enough!

Frustration throughout Bikram yoga is an under statement. In some way, I let myself get very frustrated not being able to do certain things that are easy or taken for granted for by those who aren't in my situation.(things like grasping my foot or ankle with my right hand.) But I honestly don't let myself get caught up in that. I highly doubt that once I get into class that everyone will treat this like it's a piece of cake. Obviously the instructor is going to be crazy good at every pose.

My first class is Monday. I am very excited! I honestly think that if I do it consistently, it will be something that helps a lot, and I see some sort of benefit from it. It won't happen overnight, but like every single thing that I deal with in this crazy recovery, nothing does.

Can Fish Oil Help Heal An Injured Brain?

My cousin sent me a very interesting article about how healing fish oil can be with a TBI. It's amazing that she sent this because my mom and I have been discussing the importance of fish oil! Is the universe trying to tell me something? I already take 4 pills a day but I wonder if I should increase the dosage. Any advice?

Click on the link below to read the article! So interesting!
http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/19/health/fish-oil-brain-injuries/index.html?hpt=hp_c2http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/19/health/fish-oil-brain-injuries/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

Some Work Out to Work Out; I Work Out to Work

OK so I don't lead the most exciting life.

I am very conscious that I don't always feel like I have a lot to show for my day. At the moment, I don't technically have a job (can't drive to one, need a job that would hire me yaddy yaddy yadda) but I do work. The difference in what I do now, and a "normal" job, is that my job right now is to get better. And to do that, I need to work out.

I don't work out because I am bored or want to get skinny (though c'mon, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't care if I gained a bunch of weight). I work out because I have to. It is the only way I can get my brain and body to recover. I'm aware of the fact that I will not be the same person that I used to be, but I will recover.

Moving to Memphis and adjusting to a new gym, plus realizing and accepting that my body is at a different place than it was 6 months ago, I've readjusted my workout regimen. I still do my regular workout that has both cardio (20-40 mins between the elliptical and the stair mill), lifting weights (both arms and legs), and working on my core (great for balance) as well as days where I mainly do cardio, balance, (the Bosu Ball and I have a very love/hate relationship) and some basic agilities.

Look at these 2 nuts! They seem to be loving the Bosu Ball!

Lately, I have combined my old workout with new things. I have started doing spin class 1-3 days a week (which is obviously a great cardio workout but also is great for balance, muscle control, and my grip), and occasionally a class that really challenges my small muscle groups, balance, and stability. Then a few weeks ago, I started to work out with an assistant strength coach for the football team at the University of Memphis 1-2 days  week. With him, I have lifted weights, challenging muscles that I don't normally reach, which helps with my proprioception as well as making muscle fibers fire that aren't necessarily firing that should be. We also do agility type wok which challenges my body to move in ways that should be easy and are not. These days kill me. Next week (hopefully) I am starting Bikram Yoga. I am pretty sure that this will take challenging me to a new level. From everything that I am told and read about I think it'll be great for me as well as insanely hard for me. I'll definitely document how that goes.

Basically, through doing all of this, I am consistently working my muscles to create new pathways between my body and my brain. In doing so repetitively the goal is that my brain will use these new pathways and fire these muscles, stabilizers, use balance, and proprioception on its own, without me forcing it to do so.

Like any job, there are days when I am not motivated, not productive, or play hooky. But also like having a job, I make myself go at least 5 days a week. I have to be consistent or I take steps backwards which, in this scenario, it's just not ok. I work out not only for me, but for my family, my husband, my friends, and my future family. I have real goals and motivations.  Working out is my job; my profession, and I don't usually take it lightly.

A Day in the Life - Let's Go Grocery Shopping!

I know I have been absent. I seem to continue to think negatively about my situation right now. I think my slump not only comes from my 'woe is me' attitude, but the fact that I recently moved to Memphis and don't really feel like myself yet. I know that this is something that almost anyone who has moved can relate to; it's just hard. It's hard for me to really open up to people I am getting to know, or in situations where I don't feel like I am in control.

I am dealing with that on top of the fact that I am getting used to introducing people I don't know to a side of myself that I am not really comfortable with yet. It's not comfortable to ask for help before you know someone, and it's hard to be myself without asking for some help. *sigh* it's a vicious cycle. I'll get over it.

To try and bring myself out of my little pity party, I decided that I need to focus on things that make me happy. One of the little things in life that gives me joy and comfort is cooking. In honor of the fall (cold-ish weather finally came to Memphis, though it's not supposed to really last) I am cooking turkey vegetable chili and corn bread muffins. In order to do that I need to take a little trip to the grocery store. For most people (excluding those in NYC etc) you just get in your car and go. For me, there i a little more strategy involved.

I need a few things to make my life easier:

I am one of the 6 people in the country that don't have the iphone yet (yes, I'm exaggerating... I'm probably 1 of about 13) so I had to get the notepad app. It's a wonderful tool for me because it makes my grocery list legible.

This disposable bag is one of my favorites. Yes it's good for the environment, but what I really value about it is that I can put it on my shoulder which helps IMMENSELY with my balance when I am carrying anything while walking.

And look! I can fold it into a little package to fit in my purse!

My cross body bag which is crucial every single day of my life. Thank God cross body bags are 'in' and popular because it makes my life so much easier. The fact that I have the use of my arms as well as the distribution of weight helps my balance a lot.

This is my walk to the store right out of my complex. The grocery store is down at the end of the street. This is not a walking town (Rarely do you see people walking for purpose here) but it's obviously very possible.

There it is! A quick .2 miles away!

Made it. Look at Righty steering the cart; clinging on for dear life.

I ended up bringing 2 grocery bags, thank goodness. One for each shoulder.

For my right side, I place the bag on my right shoulder, guide my hand to clutch the bag and try and keep my arm in place for the walk home.

Some days are harder, some days are easier, but regardless, my tools are always the same. I am so thankful that we not only live in a part of town that allows me to do this, but the fact that I am able to do this at all. That fact alone makes me a little happier.

Don't Quote That!

Honesty is the best policy, right?

Well if I am honest, the reason why I haven't been blogging lately is because sometimes it's hard to have a positive or hopeful outlook on what happened. Sometimes what was taken away can be devastating. So to write about it seems too dark, like I wouldn't want to see my own thoughts written down.

I read this quote recently: "Don't spend your'e whole life trying to get back something that was taken from you." Initially, I thought it was great; yes, life is different now! It's time to adapt. Then after thinking about it, I found the quote quite depressing. How dare someone say that? Like I said before, I refuse to get used to this and I kind of feel like that quote is telling me to do so.

I'm sorry, but was that quote referring to feeling like your personality was taken away? Your destiny as a women? Because you know what, I'm going to go ahead and fight tooth and nail to get that back. That quote is crap. Fight; get back what was taken; discover new ways to live life along the way.

So until I get out of my slump, stop thinking about how dumb that quote is, and start taking my own advice, I will think about happy and inspirational things!

Happy:
Swimming in the Pacific Ocean. I feel like me!!! I get so happy just thinking about it I want to cry.

 

Inspirational:
Brock Mealer - I wrote about him and shared his story on an earlier post. I worked out with him and got to see him make amazing progress and he just keeps FIGHTING and making more progress. If you think you're tough, you're not. Check out someone who is: (his latest progress)

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/mealer-family-walking-tall-after-tragedy

and

this video

Getting Used To It is Not an Option

It seems like the one thing that all people with a TBI can agree on, is that there are good days and bad days, mentally and physically. Movement, even agility, is almost easy on good days.; hope is limitless. Then there are other days where my limbs feel as though they weigh 1000 pounds each, and movement is almost painfully hard and my balance is so off that I can barely stand still when I want, and I am never going to make progress. I will say, my bad days aren't as bad, and there are fewer of them.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am just used to the bad days so they don't seem as hard.

I don't want to be used to this at all. I don't want to get used to not feeling anything with my right hand. I don't if there is a know a rehab that fixes that. Is there some voodoo that I can do to get my nerves to heal? Please tell me if there is. I refuse to get used to the fact that when I lay down I get so dizzy that my stomach hurts and turns. They said I don't have vertigo, so what is it? How do I make it stop? I won't get used to the fact that I can barely walk in a straight line and move without being awkward.

I'm terrified of someday accepting this as normal. I can't believe that this is all I can do. I know it's been 3 years. That seems like an awful long time to try and make this all a thing of the past. I work pretty hard to try and make this all go away, and sometimes, it doesn't seem like anything is happening. Until something does happen..

These days it's nothing big. Recently my improvements aren't as noticeable. In the past I'd celebrate tying my shoe, or walking 1000 yards, trying my shoe, or getting rid of my wheel chair. Now the improvements are much smaller. But I notice (usually; it's nice when someone points it out to me). It might just be gripping something better, or noticing that my balance is better while reaching above my head. Those little things make me continue my hard work.  And so I walk to the gym again, or type on my big embarrassing key board.

This process is BY FAR the slowest, most frustrating, tedious, pain in the ass thing I have EVER done. But I REFUSE to get used to it, or just deal with it, or let it win. I might have bad days once in a while but never do I think that I have a bad life. I need to keep that in mind when I do have a bad day, because those are inevitable.

3 years!!

It's my 3 year anniversary since my brain surgery! My right side is 3 years old. Woohoo! Goin' strong!

"There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

Some Days Ya Gotta Dance

Who says therapy can't be fun?

It has been ALMOST 3 years since my surgery (my 3 year anniversary is tomorrow, September 23rd!). I get asked on a regular basis what the worst thing about my recovery is. Honestly, it's not really a fair question. Anyone who has been through this will tell you that there is not really a good aspect to this situation; constantly getting dizzy, being off balance, not being able to write or type with my right (dominant) hand, not being able to move one side of my body the way I want to, not feeling things, this list goes on and on. I know I am very blessed but there IS one thing that I might miss the most throughout this ordeal: the feeling of being care-free.

Of course I miss my independence, but I also have learned to welcome help from others (not always easy) and I have gained so much of my independence back that my mind is somehow eased by the feeling of hope. But I really don't know if I'll ever feel care-dree again. I truly miss just having fun without thinking, or going somewhere without answering to my own body.

For some reason it's really easy for me to feel very jealous when I watch people on TV. As I view people that just walk and move with ease I say, 'This will never happen to them.' But still, one of my favorite shows is So You Think You Can Dance (on Fox). I LOVE watching people dance! They are so athletic! So graceful! Such body control! I WANT TO DANCE!!!

Turns out, dancing is a great form of physical therapy! It works on balance, small muscle groups,  stabilizers, and proprioception among other things. Plus to me, dancing is a sign of pure joy, fun, and totally being care-free! Well, I am NOT going to let my own body to get in my way! I'm going to dance! I was never very good anyway, so what does it matter now?

"No one looks stupid when they're having fun" - Amy Poehlar

I was determined to dance at my own wedding and so I did. Of course sometimes I lost my balance or just danced with my feet planted on the ground and my arms flailing abut. But for maybe the first time in 3 years, I had REAL fun, and let myself be (almost) completely care free! And let me say, I don't think I ever felt so good in my life! And for a few hours, I didn't think about what I was missing at all.

Me at my wedding. Check out that dance face! Get it, girl!

Use It or Lose It

If I don't do therapy, will I lose all my progress? 

As I began my post-surgery rehab, my surgeon stressed the importance of being diligent about doing both physical and occupational therapy. As I have said before, physical therapy comes naturally to me. I enjoy being physical. Still, I find occupational therapy one of the most frustrating things I've done. 

To move my fingers individually requires a lot of effort. It's hard to describe what I feel (which is not necessarily where they are in space or anything that they are touching...or that they are touching anything!) They feel stiff and heavy, and pressure is all around them, especially at the fingertips. They don't at all do what I feel like they should; it's hard to get them to work well at all. It's truly exhausting to use my fingers and hand.

It literally takes nagging or a lot of effort to get me to work on my fine motor skills. It's not that I don't care; it's only that I don't want to go through the trouble. Does that mean that it doesn't matter to me? 

No, I guess just hope I improve without effort.

News Flash: I won't. When my surgeon talked about the importance of therapy, he said "Use it or lose it." I desperately don't want to lose it, but if I am being honest, I need motivation to use it.

My big concern right now is writing and typing. I mean, using a hair brush and a tooth brush, among other things, is important, but I think I need to go one step at a time. As I type this with one hand I realize that I have gotten accustomed to ignoring "Righty." If I don't utilize my right hand then I don't really have room to complain. 

Sooo baby steps it is. I need to commit to using my right hand to brush my hair and my teeth (I can finish up with my left hand) and it's time to use this bad boy:

That's right; it's a really large keyboard. It's huge. People laugh when they see it. But it's easier for the fingers on my right hand to navigate the large keys. It's one of my occupational therapy tools. I think if I am actually patient and diligent about it, I will make progress.

Patience and progress seem to be the themes throughout this whole endeavor. I can be physically active as much as I want, but if I don't give my right hand the time it needs, I am bound to lose all the fine motor skills that I crave. Hopefully that is motivation enough.


If anyone has recommendations for thick pens (think the girth of one of those fat highlighters) let me know.

Where There's A Will... Pico de Gallo

When I was in my therapy hospital, after a number of weeks, part of my occupational therapy was that I learned how to do 'every day life' things. I made a bed, set a table, all sorts of things. Eventually I got to make brownies; I think all I really did was stir - I don't remember cracking eggs at that point or anything. But I was excited that I got to start to cook. I developed a love of cooking in college, which was really driven by a love of food and eating. I love to eat and can HOUSE food...I definitely eat more than my husband. I should be 500lbs.
After doing some little things, I made a grilled cheese sandwich. I remember feeling accomplished because finally I made something, but I really couldn't believe how hard it was! I was learning how to cook with one 'good' hand, and one hand that didn't seem to want to help a whole lot. We then practiced holding a knife or fork, feeding myself with my right hand, cutting soft things, carrying (plastic) plates, etc. So when I got home, after a while of adjustment, I would practice cooking by making eggs for myself as well as other small meals that were pretty simple. One day I told my dad what I was doing and he said while shaking his head, "I'm not really that worried about you feeding yourself; where there's a will, there's a way."
Well that couldn't be more true. Cooking is something that I have no worries about. I'm not going to make anything overly complicated, or that requires a ton of chopping, but I can still hold my own. I have acquired a couple of gadgets that make my life SO much easier, which I will highlight more in the future. But I have still adjusted and learned how to use a sharp knife etc. I have trouble holding things without a handle with my right hand, and a lot of trouble spreading things. But I think that if I can cook, heaven's knows anyone can.
Today's recipe is for pico de gallo. I always call it salsa, but it's really not as it's all fresh, nothing cooked.
Please forgive the bad quality of these pictures and the lack of 'action' shots; I had trouble working both the camera and knife

Simple ingredients to start (it's easier for me to use jarred garlic because it's hard - and dangerous - for me to cut small things; it's not that I can't, it's just easier

One of my fav kitchen gadgets! The Cuisinart Food Processor (notice the handle!) makes life extremely easy by eliminating a lot of precise fine motor skills with the push of a button. It IS heavy so I cannot say it's my number 1 fav but it's definitely up there

So, I tried to take a picture of me chopping these, but as I said before, it was hard working a knife and a camera at once. The beauty of this is that I barely have to chop these ingredient

while holding the handle wit my left hand - because of the control - and use the spatula to scrape the ingredients into the other bowl

Check out this action shot! I was able to get both hands in the shot for this one. I am quartering the tomatoes and throwing them in the food processor. I tend to either hold the object steady while I cut with the right; other times I guide the knife with my right hand (not shown)

I pored the chopped tomatoes from the food processor easily into the other bowl (tupperware) 

Another one of my favorite kitchen gadgets.  Sometimes squeezing a lime or lemon requires 2 hands, and sometimes "Righty" doesn't like to cooperate. This tool makes getting the juice from these citruses very easy

Fresh pico!

Ingredients:
- small bunch of cilantro
- 1/2 onion (white, yellow, purple, you pick)
- 1 clove (or more or less) of garlic
- 1 jalepeno (or serrano whatever you'd like) pepper
- 3-4 vine or roma tomatoes
- 1 lime
- salt and pepper

1. Roughly chop the first 4 ingredients and toss them in the food processor
2. Blend the ingredients, and put into a bowl or tupperware
3. Cut tomatoes into quarters and put them in food processor
4. Pulse the tomatoes so they don't become just foamy juice
5. Put tomatoes in bowl or tupperware with the rest of the ingredients
6. Stir all ingredients together; add juice of 1 lime, salt and pepper to taste; stir again
7. Enjoy!!

Featured Favorite Kitchen Gadgets
Cuisinart Food Processor http://www.cuisinart.com/products/food_processors/dlc-xpbcn.html
Citrus juicer http://www.surlatable.com/product/PRO-201764/Wood-Citrus-Reamer

I Will Not Let My Foot Stand In My Way

I would say that frustration is a very familiar emotion to me. There are things that I deal with on a daily basis that aggravate me. I scream, throw things, totally break down sometimes. However, I have also developed my patience. Things that I wouldn't have time for in the old days, are now things that I have learned to take a deep breath and take my time with - writing my name, tying my shoes, holding something with my right hand, going down stairs, picking things up etc. But right now I am pissed off. Like, honest to goodness MAD. Why? Because my stupid right foot has morphed into something that is NOT worth "just dealing" with. My arch has seemed to drop, presumably because signals from my brain are not being sent to my foot when I walk, stand, etc. So when I walk my foot turns out and I push off the inside of it. It's hard to explain or describe but it makes wearing shoes very hard. As I have said before, I can't wear heels (for now!!) and certain flats and sandals are a no-go. Well, I have scoped these flats out for a while, inspecting them, trying them on in the store, telling myself that they would actually work for me! So I got them.

Aldo Corinette $80  http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/women/shoes/flats/91939776-corinette/36&flagid=f12studs

Look how cute!!

I got home and immediately wore them around my apartment. They are quite comfy and easy to wear. No pinching or potential of future blisters. BUT my damn right foot doesn't keep the shoe on!! It's like my arch/inside of my foot pushes it off! This is not okay for me! I was set on having a cute pair of flats to wear around, look stylish in, jazz up some outfits. But no! My right foot seems to not care about those things!

I don't know if this picture does justice to this dilemma. Can you see how my right arch/ankle (left of the pic) look different? NOT OK!!

Nope; I am not returning the shoes. I am not telling myself that "it is what it is" and just not wearing them. I am going to fix this. I am not letting this foot and ankle problem win. This is finally motivation for me to ask someone about this. Exercise and re-teaching my body how to move by using exercise, resistance, and weights, are things that saved me. I am going to use those methods again to fix this. By making my muscles do certain things, I in turn, teach my brain those movements, and train it so that those movements become natural. I can guarantee that this will be a long process; there is no fixing my arch/ankle/foot by next week. But it WILL happen. 

Don't you dare try to get in the way of me and something I think is cute. I'll run ya right over.

Will this help in the meantime?
http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=203251316&c=10640

This??
http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=69751722&c=10640#

To get these adorable flats go to http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/women/shoes/flats/91939776-corinette/36&flagid=f12studs