In my late 20's, I suffered a random traumatic brain injury, diagnosed as a Cavernous Malformation in the pons region of my brain. I think of the pons region as the epicenter of the brain - all signals basically pass through there. In laymen's terms, I had a bleed in my brain stem. Symptoms began occurring out of the blue, and it changed everything I thought I knew about life.
The entire right side of my body is essentially numb with very little proprioception (knowing where you are in space). I'm not just talking just my arm and leg; it is if I have drawn a line directly down the center of my body, splitting myself into two, and the ENTIRE right half of me is numb. I was also diagnosed with ataxia, which is a term few seem to be aware of. I think of it in that my cerebellum was messed with, therefore I have little balance and awkward, almost jagged movements with the muscles on my right side making control a bit of an issue. My fine motor skills are severely lacking which means a lot of the time (now) I am typing with one hand. I fondly refer to my right arm and hand as "righty." Righty can be crazy, knocking over things I don't even know I have knocked over, or grasping a LITTLE too hard often crushing plastic bottles or other people's hands.
On top of a myriad of other symptoms, another main problem is with my eyes. The problem is not with my actual vision (I have almost perfect vision) it's that I often have double vision and a nystagmus in both eyes, causing everything to move around as my eyes don't stay still in my head. This tends to be a problem. You will often see me closing one eye to read small print, or try to see something at a distance. Once I was trying to read a menu that was printed on the wall behind the register at a restaurant. The guy waiting to take my order said, "are you closing one eye? Ha! That's awesome." Is it? Really? I think not.
Yes, I walk funny, and move my arm in a way that doesn't seem quite right. I can't freely look around at the scenery when I walk, and many times if someone at a short distance is waving I cannot see them and have no clue who they are (if it was you, don't take it personally). I will write messily with my left hand or ask someone to write for me. It's difficult for me to stand up out of a chair or navigate my way around any sort of obstacle. But I am still me. I still have the same sick sense of humor; I still watch way too much bad TV; I eat like it's my last day on earth at every meal; I have the same love of fashion, art, and music as I always have. I love working out and challenging myself (both of which have worked to my advantage) I still have a hot temper and sometimes little patience, mostly with myself. I just operate much differently. I have a much greater tolerance of those around me, and a greater appreciation of life. I want to be treated the same way that I always have been. I just might need a little more help.
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